I dont know what I should feel today. The last day of my university life in Germany…Not really the last actually, I still need to write my last exam and 2.Stex of course, but really the last day as a class together, as a semester…
I know these days, I felt extremely melancholic, but today is different.
I remember, the day I decided to go to Germany. How I looked on the wiki pages to search the best “Studiengang” for me. How I first met my friends at Studienkolleg. How we laughed together about the german students who just made out all the time in front of our class (first culture shock and still in Indonesia). How I cried so much at the airport, leaving my family with mixed feelings. One side, was really sad, afraid, didn’t know how could I survive alone out there, how I would miss them so much, would I see them again in a year or two years. Another side, felt the excitement, the excitement of an adventure. I always dreamt about travelling across the globe, living my life with new journey everyday, getting surprised everytime with everything that’s unusual, taking chances…and with those minds, I spent 7 hours crying from Jakarta to Dubai and mingling with nervousness and happiness for the next 6 hours to Germany. I had no idea, that moment would open a new incredible chapter of my life. That one decision has opened my mind, my soul and my heart into a new different level.
For the first time, I really felt God…here in Germany, where everything seemed so far away and strange and stranded. I met Him in so many ways. He gave me new family, my community, with whom I really grew up and irgendwie changed to hopefully a better me (love you guys beyond words). I experienced love for the first time, how to accept it and how to let it go. I experienced downfall of my life, regret and doubt, was this decision really the best thing for me, as I saw my father had to lie in the hospital for some time and I couldn’t be there beside him at that time. Tough moment yes, needed to keep up with my studies, where I found sometimes I was too stupid to understand things. Kept asking myself, why could you not understand it, although you have been there for a couple years now.
But the most beautiful thing in my Uni life was that I met super incredible friends, who accepted me and helped me through everything. At first I had this big anxiety, that maybe I wouldn’t get any friends lol. It was hard you know, be foreigners in a foreign country. It wasn’t easy for us to adapt with a whole different scenarios, a whole different culture and plus there was no one at home that could hug you and said “Hey, don’t you worry, everything will be good, it will pass…” They had helped me opened my eyes to the world. Accepting the meaning of happiness. Sometimes you worked super hard so that people could see you and be satisfied because you seemed the most perfect person in the entire world but in the end you didn’t satisfy with yourself because you saw your own spots. I knew that feeling too well. Failure, in front of your own eyes. Afraid that people would see it or even worse, laughed about it (or even worse, cursed about it). At some point, I didn’t know when, but I was just so tired and fed up with those things. You just couldn’t depend on what others think about you because I believe 99% of whole people in this world think for themselves first and then the others. If they had some problems with you, than first maybe they were jealous or second you’ve done some “damage” to them lol. The second reason was really your fault then. So, just accept it. No one in this world can put a value on you, no one deserves to put a label on you. We are precious and beautiful for who we are. Sometimes hard to accept it but it is the truth (though it did sounded so cliché, but it is true). Be true to yourself, is a task that I need to complete everytime I open my eyes in the morning and it is not an easy one…My friends taught me that acceptance, that though the whole world think bad about you, there is always those who understands and accept you for who you are. And for this acceptance, I’m willing to give up the world…
I learned so much in these 4 years and at the end of it, just felt incredibly proud and grateful. Thankful for everything that had happened in my life, in my families’. Thankful for my friends, Indonesians and Germans. Thankful for everyone that I met in this life process. Thankful for Him, He has made this possible, I didn’t know how, but He really made all these things possible. And for my parents, who kept supporting me and prayed for me. In those prayers I felt closest to them and in those prayers I could express my love, my gratitude and my regret that I couldn’t be with them in those hard times. I know this isn’t the end. It’s just a beginning for another life journey but this really seems surreal for me. It’s also awkward to think that I somehow wont meet half of my semester anymore or there wont be another classes to miss or to get late for. It doesn’t feel real…
Four amazing years, from Eigen to Schladming, from that Qualitative Analyse to Pharmazeutische Chemie, we laughed and we cried together and now we face our own future. I just hope one day we could meet again and tell great stories about our journey, wherever it might be…
Vielen Dank Leute…
misscapable 